thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
