dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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