This girl is more easily done than said...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
