every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize