Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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