you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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