just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Randomize
