You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize