I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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