so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
