hotel room ftw
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize