Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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