I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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