You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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