I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
