Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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