sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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