hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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