She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
