i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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