First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
