Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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