Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
