I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
