When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
