I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
