the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize