Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
