What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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