her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
