I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
