my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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