It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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