Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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