Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
