'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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