i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize