just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
