Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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