I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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