I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want to have your abortion
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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