its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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