We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I still have a little drunk in my system
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want a musical about memes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
