i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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