i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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