Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
