I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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