I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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