I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
