The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
