She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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