please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize