im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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