sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When are your genitals available?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
