No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
