on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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