i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
