Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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