I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
