is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And then he peed in my hair
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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