no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
