I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize