i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
