So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
