I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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