i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
