We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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