I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
