woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
