i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize