For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
