Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i dont even know how to be here
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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