Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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