Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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