buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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