i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
