Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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