Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
