2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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