dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
