we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
