I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am one with the molecules
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
