While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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