I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
