I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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