I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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