dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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