I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
