You work out of a Hotel?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize