god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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