does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize