Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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