where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize