Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
