At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize