before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
