hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
