I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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