It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
