I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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