i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
