Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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