I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
