no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
