I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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