I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
