can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
