I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
