Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
