im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
