It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize